Life is so ironic…
There’s things that you get so excited about, that end up really disappointing you. Then there’s things that you never expected to change, that end up changing your life. That’s where I am currently, trying to navigate both boats, at the same time, in this crazy ocean of life, and often times I forget to breathe. This is going to be quite the post, so please buckle up.
1. Just A Year Ago…
I’ve been reading recently that little tab on Facebook that says “This Day in History” or something along those lines, where you can read your previous statuses and it makes my heart hurt. Some people read them and laugh at the goofy high school statuses, but I read them and the last two years, status after status, is a cry for help.
At this time last year, I did not have a full time job, I did not have a solid friend base, I did not have a happy relationship and I was lost. Anxiety consumed my life, and I totally let it. Reading statuses about being a hypochondriac and trying to make light of it, was masking the fact that I hated pretty much every aspect of the life I was living. I cast all of those “life problems” into my body, and let my anxiety convince myself that my body was shutting down. It’s pretty sad to read them, but makes me so proud that I fought to build a better life for myself, a better relationship which resulted in a marriage and an all around better atmosphere to grow in…
2. Goodbye Home From Hell
Speaking of atmosphere. We’re getting the heck outta dodge. (I think that’s a movie quote?) Dylan and I have lived in the same apartment for the entire duration of being in Des Moines. While it’s a “new” apartment, never been lived in prior, and has all the “bells and whistles” which makes it look cool, our apartment sucked ass. It could definitely be the fact that it reminds me of a bedridden hypochondriac who fought daily with her fiance? It could also be the fact that there was ONE closet in the whole apartment, there was never parking, I could always hear the neighbors and I HATED HAVING PEOPLE LIVE ABOVE ME. Moral of the story: Bye Felicia.
I am extremely proud to have kept record of complaints I’ve sent to the landlord as well as doing my damn research on Iowa’s landlord-tenant laws, making it 100% illegal for them to penalize us and not let us break our lease. To be honest, I’ve NEVER been so proud of myself before. Instead of taking the first three “no’s”, I continued to push until I eventually hit supervisor status, who alleviated us of our lease & found us a sub-let. Seriously, pat me on the back.
Our new apartment is 100% aesthetically pleasing. I’ve hit my color pallet, found my “needs” to fill the home & gotten permission from Dylan to decorate it the way I want. Which most of you are like, “Duh, he’s a dude”… Not my Dylan, he wanted to decorate it himself? No. Plus, we’ve gotten rid of the giant trunks he bought at Goodwill three years ago, so step in the right direction.
#Aesthetics. #GrownUpApartment #ItsGotWhiteCounterTops #InstagramParadise
3. I’m Blessed, Yessssss
I stress out about pretty much everything. Mostly though, overwhelmingly for the past four months has been my flipping school loans. They start in June (*I had one year of deferment because #nannylife), and I’ve been so stressed with that extra $280.00 payment. I. Don’t. Have. An. Extra. $280. So, that’s been a great stress.
Then I got hit by a car. Or rear ended. But hit by a car sounds SO MUCH MORE bad ass. Anyways, since that happened I’ve basically been living in a rainbow-unicorn cloud or something… New apartment, trip to Disney, and financial help. Or, at least- FedLoan realized that I’m poor enough to not charge me.
So many good things happening lately, that I just want you to really think about your blessings. I’ve been so good at finding all the bad, that all these positivities show that life won’t suck forever.
4. Who’s That Girl?
Here’s the public declaration I never wanted to make. Starting tomorrow, May 9th, 2017- I will be drastically cutting back on my Diet Coke intake. I drink about a gallon of water each day, let’s start there. So I’m not killing myself of my water intake… totally. My primary diet is carbohydrates. My secondary diet is Diet Coke. I am not healthy. I’ve been living in a state of unnecessary bloat for the last month, and my body is tired all the time. Let’s just say, that on average I’m consuming more Diet Coke IN A DAY then you would think would be a weekly recommendation. Or monthly. I drink a lot.
This is the one diet that I could easily fail. It’s weird, and I’ve heard it before- but Diet Pop is an actual addiction. I’ve done plenty of research on Aspertame, so save me the sob story- I know I wasn’t putting enough in my body to get hit with the poisoning, but I’ve been putting enough in my body that it feels worse than I ever have.
I started an 8 week weight loss journey about a month ago, and I’m not making as much progress as I’d like. (Actually, none) I’m done with feeling puffy, extra bloated, irritable and news flash >> Diet Coke & caffeine FEED on anxiety. Go. Figure.
Good luck to Dylan as I ween myself from my current, to one. a. week. Bring on the withdrawals.
5. & The Last Goodbye
This is my far cry to being as dramatic as humanly possible, because that is who I am. For the last month and a half, I haven’t really written any original content for the blog. In fact, I haven’t written a Millennial Monday for about three months. I thought I was being really smarty, but it’s not genuine and has really removed me from my content. I’ve gotten the rest of May planned out, but with moving & life going on- I just need a break. The writers block has hit pretty hard, and I don’t want to keep pumping out content on things that I don’t really care about. Enjoy those May blogs while you can, because I have a feel June is going to be pretty empty on alwaysampersand.
…That is until something crazy happens, or Ellie just needs to be showcased, or I meet a Tall Grey…. (I’ve never talked about aliens on my blog with ya’ll have I? Welcome to all the Tall Greys that could be reading.)
Until next time…