Remember that girl?
Many of you don’t, because you’re new here- but I used to want to fit into a little box of bloggers who were “niche-y” and wildly successful. I wanted to “make it”, with a fiance’s point and shoot camera and a selectively Target and Old Navy wardrobe. I didn’t put forth effort, because I thought it just happened to people. I was going to be the lucky one who never had to work a day in her life! HAH! I created a blog, came up with a name and thought it was good- it was time to shine… I named the blog alwaysampersand for one reason. It sounded trendy, it sounded famous, it sounded like the blog of someone who “made it”. Christ, I was lost.
Then, months passed and alwaysampersand had an average of 17 views on each post. Seventeen. The “effort” that was being put forth was of a white poster board as a “background” in pictures, showing the things that were bought that week, and trying to be relatable. People didn’t care. No one could relate to my TJ Maxx binge on things that weren’t even interesting… I felt stuck.
Then, I started to understand the ampersand…
In today’s world, and ampersand connects two things. It takes celebrities and puts them together (Kim & Kanye). It takes meals and makes them delicious (macroni & cheese, peanut butter & jelly). It makes all of your sentences make sense, because as humans- we’re never really done talking. Clearly, you need an ampersand to connect. And somewhere in my blog life, I talked about that, and thought this is when I’ll make it. I started living less with the word “ampersand” in my mind, and more with the word “connect”. Time passed, and it was still lack luster. Telling everyone I’m relatable isn’t making me relatable…
It’s silly though, because I spent so much time focused on the word connect, and showing people “Look at me! I am human! See my ampersand, see us connecting!”. In regards to the ampersand, I didn’t actually understand what it was. An ampersand was almost an accident. The letters E and T, combined to make the word et which means and in Latin. Way back when… That’s it. If you look at an ampersand, you can still see the letters. It accidentally connected two letter, and accidentally starting a whole new type of world- where a symbol connected things. Segway to my blog?
And that’s what I am.
I’m not a fashion blogger, or a mommy blogger, or any of those niche-y type of really cool bloggers that have their spot in the internet. And I know we’ve talked about this before. Let me reiterate: An ampersand was created as an accident, an easier was to get things done and ultimately to connect two words. So while I grabbed alwaysampersand for it’s trend, it choose me for it’s meaning…
This blog connects us. My new readers who’ve found interest in my quick talking, my fluent sarcasm and my sub par life advice. The old readers who know that my fitness journey, relationship and twenties as a whole hasn’t been easy & neither has theirs. My mother, father, best friend and husband, who read the blog regardless of the topic because they hold my ampersand- being my always & my forevers. I don’t want to say it’s a sign, but I want to say “it’s a symbol“. A symbol that chose me.
alwaysampersand isn’t trendy.
It’s not a cool blog. It’s a place to show you that you fall apart sometimes, and that’s okay. It’s not a place to give a shit about what I’m wearing, eating or traveling (except, Disney World- am I right?). It’s not a place to read about how to make a cool blog, or be a cool blogger. It’s not a place to learn new skills (well, Millennial Mondays maybe). It’s just a place to be a bunch of ampersands.
So even though the intention was to create a hipster paradise, alwaysampersand because a mid-twenties paradise to celebrate the fact that all of the wheels are falling off the bus of life- but at least you’re not on that bus alone.
You’ll never be on that bus alone. You & me & the rest of the twenty-somethings who are just trying to survive will always have the ampersand. We will alwaysampersand.
Cause at the end of the day- this is your life too, I’m just the one who’s stupid enough to post about it on the internet…