Hi.

Remember me? I used to be fitness Jen- talking about hitting the gym 6 days a week & struggling to find a body to live in that I loved. I used to be on this journey of self-fulfillment after a 16 month broken relationship stint, which helped me gain 23 pounds, and before that ,y 87-102 pound loss… #getFIT was really a lifestyle, and was my whole life? Ring any bells? Bueller?

Then, I got married.

I don’t blame Dylan for basically stopping our gym trips in their tracks. I fully blame myself. You see, for some reason in January, I fell in love with my husband as a husband and not just a fiance and in turn- I fell in love with myself. For the first time in my entire life, that scale number didn’t really matter. I loved every inch of myself, curves, edges, scars, imperfections (someone cue the John Legend song). It became me. & I was happy.

If you recall, we had this five week weight loss challenge, in which I was supposed to get in “the best shape ever” before our cruise. I made it three weeks, and spent the last two weeks before vacation too busy to breathe- much less work out. And I didn’t care. I was content on “this is who I was”, and was fine with my weight.

 

Then, I got on a cruise ship.

And after 37 free drinks over a four day span, at least 17 ice cream cones from the soft serve machine and a buffet… I was no longer that scale number I was back in Iowa. Let’s just continue with a trip to Disney World filled with lots of Mickey Mouse shaped treats and the continuation of “well, it’s our wedding/honeymoon” as I shoved the Poutine down the hatch…

Then, I got home.

We took a grand total of seven minutes in the house before we got on the scale. Woof. After the initial “this is totally just vacation bloat/travel bloat/we couldn’t have really ate that much”, we kind of just let it go. But you know what didn’t go? The weight. Here I am, 7 days post vacation, and I’m up ohhhhhh about 9 pounds on a good day (12 on a bad day)… So, why are we talking about this? Two reasons: 1. I need the accountability as we jump back into the gym, and 2. I’m not super mad about that number on the scale. 

I’ll be honest with you…

This number I’m working with right now was the result of many full fledged panic attacks a year ago. This number contributed to many tears, tons of angry self hating thoughts and so much destroyed confidence. Part of me is scared that “this Jen” isn’t as mad that she’s gained weight- because a year ago I hated this number. The other part of me is relieved that the disease that used to play in my mind has finally left me alone…

I’m going back to the gym today. Not because I have to, to get my psyche to think I’m “good enough”, but because my ass doesn’t fit into my tight jeans the way I want them to…

… #getFIT is back!

5 thoughts on “#getFIT – 25”

  1. Vacations will do that! I had the same situation a few weeks back…my belly looked like it needed harpooning!

    You’ll fit those jeans again

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