Unleash the CRAZY.
So, let’s sit down and talk about this last week in the good old hood. (I do not live in the actual hood, I live in the upperclass area of the Des Moines metropolitan area) We have been getting a lot of new neighbors lately. First, I find this weird, because I didn’t know the apartments around us were empty for the last eight months, but hey, here we are.
How can I even begin? First, I almost called the police on Crazy. Her dog, that isn’t hers, that actually is hers, was screaming and crying in pain. Not the normal woof woof protecting the house, or whine to go outside, no. This dog was yelping for help. After i completed my email to the Animal Rescue League of Iowa and cried for thirty minutes, I saw Crazy outside with the dog, so I went to spy.
She said that Maggie had broken her leg, and that AFTER THE OTHER ONE DIED she felt guilty. What the hell is happening downstairs? She killed a dog and broke the other ones leg? This is real. I am appalled. Then, she had a new man sleeping over, because that’s totally normal. This woman is a mess. Dad Shoes hasn’t been around lately, and neither has her car. What I have seen is this freaking piece of work riding her BICYCLE everywhere the last week, while her car has been MIA. So, her boyfriend is gone, her car is gone (he has his own car, and it’s nice), all that’s left is for the dog to be gone…
Let’s jump to our other neighbors. We have a nice man upstairs, who’s living with the guy with the cute dog. They’re usually quiet. Dylan helped them with a couch. It’s all good. Except for said guy is having girl problems. He likes to blast Drake off the deck, and scream about how she will definitely call her back because girls always do. I mean, good luck bro.
Our neighbors right next door are nice. I met them last night when the neighborhood started on fire. We’re getting there. I gave the girl next door my plant that died. She promised to return it if the Miracle Grow works. They also sit on their deck for a while and talk loud, but they’re respectful and done at 9:00pm.
The girl upstairs is currently tap dancing, and I’m praying their lease is up by the time school starts. Gooooodbye Felicia.
So now, the neighborhood being on fire. Last night I heard screaming, crying screaming, Drake bumping, and loud laughter. All of it was separate. Are you kidding me? GOLD MINE. So, I put on pants and decide that I need to figure this out from all angles. “I will go get the mail, throw away my plant, and investigate”. So I go outside, where Crazy is SCREAMING to this hippee about her dog going missing.
“HE’S GOT A BROKEN LEG. MY DOG IS MISSING” *hysterical crying*
“Okay, I’ll help you find him! What kind of dog is it?”
“I DON’T KNOW”
“You don’t know what kind of dog you have”
“SHE’S NOT MY DOG” (Liar, I heard her say LAST WEEK it was her dog)
“Okay, well I’ll look” -Hippee goes running into the sunset asking people about the dog.
*My neighbors* “Excuse my what happened?”
“I LOST MY DOG, IT’S GONE. SHE WAS HERE THIS MORNING. I HAVE A FRIEND MOVING IN WITH ME (great) AND MAYBE HE LOST THE DOG”
“Do you think maybe he could have taken it? Or left the door open?”
“HE DIDN’T LOSE THE DOG! OH MY GOD HE WOULD NEVER TAKE THE DOG”
-Literally just said he might have lost the dog.
“OH MY GOD MY DOG IS GONE (slurred Russian) MY DOGGGGGG IS LOST!”
Then she started running around the garages screaming and crying, but never ONCE yelled “Maggie” or tried to whistle for the dog. Suspect.
So these girls take my plant and look at me and go “I think she’s on something”…. Welcome to my world. Pull into the parking lot today and Maggie’s sitting at the door with her little pink cast, so that’s awesome.