They tell you to listen to your gut, and I never really learned who “they” are, but that’s what I’m doing. You see, right now, I’d be on my “final descent” from my ride on the hot air balloon, but my gut said NO.
In case you didn’t see the news, my Twitter, or my Facebook status, Saturday night was a really terrible hot air balloon crash. It was the worst one in history. Being someone who’s semi-sane, that striked me as something that I probably shouldn’t do with my life…It was something I wrestled with for the entire Sunday, and kept me up for about 75% of last night.
Now, the rational part of my brain knows that it is very unlikely for the same thing to happen to me. I do understand that hundreds of people have already been in the hot air balloon this weekend at the National Balloon Classic. I totally get that just because something bad happens somewhere else, doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve met your demise. But my gut said NO.
Then, I woke up this morning at 5:30 (because today was apparently an 11 hour day at work), and the sky was yellow and turning black FAST. So, naturally, I convinced myself that this was another sign from God, and sent the email to back out of the hot air balloon.
While a lot of people think I’m being dramatic, or my anxiety is unnecessary, or whatever you believe, that’s okay. Inside my very own head, I both felt like I should do it and I shouldn’t. Anxiety is a struggle in my head all the time to do things, and usually I’m able to push the fear aside and move on, but today my gut said NO. I didn’t really like thinking that I had no control over the hot air balloon. It’s not like driving a car, where you choose to go left and right. While I fully trust the pilot, and ultimately God, there’s just something that kept me on the ground, and my gut said NO.
So I listened. Sometimes, it is important to listen to your gut, I guess. Or at least that’s what I’m telling myself right now… The peace of mind knowing that I am safe on the ground, and get to live another day into the future was enough for me to just walk away from something that I considered to be at the top of my bucket list. But honestly, I’m just fine sitting on my bed doing laundry tonight, and I don’t really feel like I missed out.
You know when you skip out on something and you feel like “pit of your stomach” guilt, because you know you shouldn’t miss it? I didn’t get that today. While a hot air balloon is still on my bucket list, and while Monday August 1st wasn’t my day to fly, today was alright. Anxiety is something that I’m pretty good at handling, and I handled it again today. I also decided for once that my head, heart, and gut should be on the same page, and my feet stayed planted on the ground… So while I will never know the amazement of hundreds of hot air balloons around me while I soar through the sky, I will know that I’m okay with not taking a chance today, and maybe it was just what I was supposed to do.