love being alone. Dylan hates being alone. Today, because it’s Monday and you’re all probably still riding that Sunday night “life’s great, let’s have a great Monday” high, let’s talk about all the things you can do with your “alone time” (Also, totally understand that no one has the excited for Monday feeling, ever… sarrrrrrcasm)

20 Things You SHOULD Do Alone

  1. Shut up & drive. Go for a for real long drive, turn off the radio & take a couple hours to be with yourself.
  2. Cook YOURSELF dinner. Not the normal dinner, where you throw your freezer meal into the microwave, but a real dinner where you have to turn on the stove. You know you’re not doing it, so don’t try and front like you do.
  3. Go to a movie. It’s not creepy. My dad does it.
  4. People watch at the mall. This one’s not always fun to do alone, but you can think your thoughts about every single situation you get to watch. You don’t realize how much crazy is at that mall with you.
  5. Do a puzzle. Or try to do 1/5 of the puzzle in one day before you dog eats a piece and you give up on it all.
  6. Spa Day? Like on a budget. Buy a face mask, throw on some deep conditioner, paint your toe nails. Pamper. Yourself.
  7. Treat Yourself To Treats! Something so freeing is going to get FroYo and not putting strawberries on it. You ain’t got no one to impress. 
  8. Do some yoga. Na’ma Stay away from everyone else, ya feel me. Downward doggin’ it.
  9. Binge Watch One Tree Hill. Or Grey’s Anatomy. Or whatever’s popular on Netflix right now. Give yourself a good 24 hours to not dog yourself for being in bed.
  10. Nap. Nap for twenty minutes, an hour, or five. Just take a nap.
  11. Cook something new. This isn’t the whole “cook yourself a meal”, this is the whole “pretend you’re Emril & ‘BAM all over that kitchen”.
  12. Put on some Gangster Rap & Dance. Twerk the stress of the world away and dance, because literally no one is watching.
  13. Clean your apartment. You know you have to.
  14. Sign up online for free samples. (This makes me actually LOL. Cause I used to do it just to “get mail”)
  15. Take a bubble bath. Bitches love bubble baths.
  16. Ride the light rail… Ride away from your problems.
  17. Go to the library. Does Des Moines have a library? I need to get a library card!
  18. Clean out your closet! “Jen, shut the hell up! How many times are you going to tell us to clean something on Millennial Mondays?”
  19. Facebook stalk your ex-boyfriend, his new girlfriend, his sister, his mom, his best friend… How did I get forty seven weeks deep on his pet goldfish’s Instagram?
  20. Do whatever you normally do…? Be honest, you don’t really have friends.

If you’re new here… This list is mostly satire. Everyone’s always so freaking cranky on a Monday and you all needed to smile. 

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