I wrote that header on Tuesday, after I left work because I was convinced I was. This week, let’s talk about health.

I’m not healthy, apparently. 

Dylan and I came back from the cruise with the crud. You know, that travel crud that is from public transit, airport hangs and airplane travel. Normally, when we’ve ever traveled before, our crud has gone away within the first couple of days… We’ve been home for 25 days, and the crud is ruining our lives.

Iowa’s weather also isn’t helping us at all. For some reason, it likes to exhibit all four seasons in one day. Yes, Tuesday in Des Moines had clouds, followed by rain, followed by snow, more rain and ended off with 52 degrees and sunshine. Please, for the love of Christ, can you get your life together DSM?

Mix both the crud & the weather together and you’ve got two crusty Salisburys. We both were out of work. I work 1.5 half days (so, like a .75 day total) in a two day span & Dylan missed one day- actually he missed his first day in his 5 year radio career. That’s the pits.


We are. Dylan thinks that because my parents only take it, that alka seltzer is the holy grail. Homeboy isn’t healing very fast, so I’m not sure about that. I took two days of DayQuil (which is non-drowsy) and I got worse. Then I took two doses of Mucinex and now I want to die. Mucinex started breaking up the shit in my chest, and I didn’t cough for like three hours, and then- out of God Damn left field, my nose plugged up & now I’m a fountain of snot.

I can not have children right now because I’m incapable of taking care of myself when I’m sick.

I am pre-writing this blog, I’m going to be honest. I don’t know if I’m going to be alive on Friday, so here I am- midweek planning out my funeral because death by cold sounds like my best bet here… So weird though, because I am always sick. I’m the queen of strep throat (38x & counting), I get ear infections, pink eye and colds like it’s my job. So, why this time, am I dying?

I’ve got some Emergen-C. That’s a lie, I’ve got some Airborne on the counter, but it said not to take it with other medicine and I was really hoping that Mucinex was going to come in and kill that big fat mucus guy that’s in all the commercials. Not exactly, but thanks false advertising…


Today was the worst day, I literally don’t know how I could feel this terrible from a cold. My eyes hurt to blink. My mouth hurts to talk. My teeth hurt just sitting in my mouth. My eyeballs are dry. My headache. Imagine your entire head falling off of your body. This is how I feel.

I’m over it. So, big girl Jen took herself to the doctor. He said “if you’ve had a cold for a month, it’s not normal. We’re going to put you on steroids. great. Is this going to heal me? Cause I’ll drink pickle water, upside down, on a roller-coaster naked if that means I’m going to feel better.

I can’t start the steroids until tomorrow. The doctor said “don’t drive right away, and you’ll also get really jittery, but not the kind that makes you want to kill people.” That’s positive to know.


On the mend. I’ve drank over a gallon of hot water today. For some reason, hot water is the go-to when I’m sick.Actually 97% of the time, I’d prefer hot water over cold water… I’ve always been that way!

Sweet baby Jesus, if my crusty nose, my head pains & my hot mess-ness could get out of here, mama meets a band tomorrow & needs a date night Saturday.. This weekend is our last night out before we’re parents- so I don’t want to spend it stuck in bed.

No fitness this week, better luck next week!


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