I have become extremely concerned about this apartment building. Crazy has been too quiet, the guys with the dog haven’t been fighting with their girlfriends, tap dancing Sally hasn’t been tap dancing, and NO ONE IS YELLING. Until today. Today, all of the progress we made into having a normal apartment building went out the window and everyone let their freak flag fly.
First, tap dancing Sally decided to get her fitness on… I saw her and her mother last weekend and they let me know that they are definitely 100% moving out of the apartment and that they’re moving into a house. Mom of Sally said “because you know she loves her gymnastics!” Oh really? I couldn’t tell at all that she loved gymnastics… I mean she hasn’t been JUMPING OFF THE COUCH, THE BED, DOING CARTWHEELS, RUNNING INTO WALLS, AND FALLING ON HER HEAD for the last 10 months. Not at all….
Today though, today tap dancing Sally has decided that she’s going to practice the pacer. Do you remember the pacer? It was the worst day in gym class. You’d have to run the length of the gym before the radio beeped, and then you’d have to do it again, until you missed the beep- where you’d then sit down? Okay well Sally is practicing. She is running the length of the apartment, over and over, and she’s been doing it for TWO HOURS. So that’s what’s going on above me.
Directly behind me- The nice girls have decided to bump their music so loud that it covers the sound of my television. So that’s nice.
Outside there is a car who’s alarm has gone off about 14 times. It just beeps for a solid seven minutes and I just get to enjoy it, because car alarms aren’t annoying at all.
Downstairs- exactly what we’ve all been waiting for… Crazy.
I was literally sitting here, trying to hear my thoughts over the chick running laps, the bad rap bumping on the walls, the car alarm outside, and I hear the ugliest sounding crying EVER. If I could have seen her face, I would imagine a mix between Farrah from Teen Mom and Kim Kardashian- not cute. She’s scream crying, and initially I thought she had cut her hand off in a freak accident or something. Nope- not even close.
She gets on the phone and is yelling at Brian… I don’t know who Brian is, but he’s made Crazy pretty upset. She kept repeating “YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE I TOLD” and “YOU PROMISED TO KEEP MY SECRET”. Every so often she would just scream and then in a normal voice reply with “I trusted you”. I was interested at this point so the air conditioning, television, and all the lights in the apartment were off. (The lights do affect creeping abilities)
Let me just emphasize that I thought she moved out. There’s been no dog barking, she’s never outside smoking, and she’s made NO noise. I thought she was gone.
She hung up with Brian and got on the phone with someone else. She explained that she had gotten home from work and wanted supper (didn’t know people still called it supper?), so she asked someone to get dinner. Whichever flavor of the week said yes, she went to his house, and followed him to a restaurant. When they got to the restaurant he got out of the car with someone else, which upset Crazy. So she started yelling at him, and asking him if he wanted her there, to which he replied “no, go home”.
That was it. So anti-climactic. That was the actual conversation. After she told whomever was on the phone what this guy said she started ugly crying again and then screamed 29143 words all at once so it sounded like she was summoning demons. Once she regained her composure she opened and slammed the sliding glass door four times, because she has obviously developed OCD, and said something on the phone about how she’s not bringing up her dad and how she loves her brother- which doesn’t even make sense to me at this point.
It was silent for about 30 minutes before she started ugly crying again and I turned some early 2000’s Usher on because I can’t deal with these people anymore. Luckily for me, we’ve signed another year lease at the apartment and here we are to stay…
I wonder if someone’s blogging about Dylan and I… They should, we’re a party.